On My Knees

If you are wondering why I've been absent from the blog lately this is why. I had to totally redo my work's website. Before May of this year I had help with the website but that person moved out of town leaving me to do the website along with all her other duties. Don't get me wrong I enjoy every part of it. Because of the added work I realized that I had not done a significant update on this website in quite a few months so that's what I have been up to the last few weeks along with trying to get ready for a conference we are having in just a few short weeks. Time just seems to really be flying by. I feel like I have so much to do and not enough time to do it. I'm sure everyone feels that way from time to time.

In the middle of all this busyness that is my life right now, I had the urge to go camping last night. Isn't that weird? I have never camped a day in my life. When I say camping I'm talking about a hiking, a tent, sleeping bags, and a firepit where I can make s'mores. Now I've camped at a church camp but you sleep in bunk beds and in a cabin. But for some reason, I had this big urge to go camping. My mind has been in some really weird places this past week. I also was in this huge funk for about a week and a half that I couldn't pull myself out of. It's funny how drastic emotions can turn without a notice. Oh the life of a female! :-) It's probably a good thing I'm not married right now with the sudden turns of moods I've been in lately. But I seem to be getting back to normal. I've been spending alot of time in prayer with the Lord lately. I've got huge decisions to make in the couple of months and things going on where I've been on my knees alot lately. All I want is to be in the will of the Lord and do what He wants me to do and be who He wants me to be and serve where He wants me to serve. It's not that I'm trying to find myself, because I'm not. I'm just want to serve Him and live for Him and make the right decisions. I'm so incredibly happy right now.

2008 was a pretty bad year for me. I was incredibly lonely and longed for a relationship with someone. I lost relationships with friends that hurt beyond reason. It left me with no where to go but to the Lord. It was there that I truly understood the promises the Lord tells us in His Word. I learned that He will never leave me. He will never turn His back on me. He will love me no matter what I do, what I say, or how I act. He only was the One I could count on. I have never been closer to the Lord than I am now and I only want to get even closer. I still feel like I'm nowhere where I need to be with Him. It's a struggle everyday but I've never been happier to serve Him. It's during this time that the old dreams I had as teenager was to grow up and meet and fall in love with someone whose in the ministry has come back into my heart. Ministry is all I've ever known. My father is a minister. He has been since the day I was born. He was also a Home Missionary. So it's the life I've ever known and even though it can be tough, hard, and lonely to be a preacher's wife, it can also be so rewarding and I know that reward far outweighs the not so good parts. It's a dream that I've always had but I got in the way of that over the last few years when I decided to become selfish and make everything all about me. I've had a great example of being a preacher's wife through my mom and I pray that the Lord blesses me like He's blessed her. It may not be God's will for me to marry someone in the ministry someday but I know that I want to be a part of it somehow so maybe it is all part of God's plan. I don't know yet. But I'm praying hard.

It's funny how when you get hurt by people beyond reason and lose relationships that are beyond your control, God has a way of filling that space with new relationships that are even better than the ones you lost. I've found a new friend that has blessed my life more than I can ever say. This person makes me want to be a better person, a better Christian, and a better servant for the Lord. This person has opened my eyes to things that I never gave a second thought too. After I talk to this person or have spent time with this person, I leave feeling so much better than I did before and I feel blessed just to know them. I feel like my life is so much more blessed just because they are in it now. I just hope that I leave that same impression with them. We should all strive to leave a lasting impression when we leave someone's presence. But the only way, for me anyway, to have these relationships is if I pray hard everyday on my knees and ask the Lord to guide me and give me wisdom in everything. How can you go wrong?